Wednesday, March 29, 2000
Career day. Last year, my friend came to school who was an airline pilot. The first question they asked him was, 'Have you ever been hijacked?' I could only imagine the day going just as well. In typical Shitsville fashion, the day ran about 45 minutes late. The speakers only got about half of the time allotted to them and the kids again end up getting cheated. We had a lawyer in our classroom who told the kids he made 87K a year and drove a Beemer. The kids gasped. One of the little hoochie mamas in the class asked him if he was single. When he said that he was, the other hoochies in the class let out a collective gasp. Of course, the kids took advantage of a lawyer being present, asking such questions like, 'If you get caught with a gun and a bag of weed, do you go to jail?' It was interesting to see the lawyer squirm in front of the kids. They clearly made him uncomfortable. I met another guest for career day who started to jokingly tell me how the Nasty Assistant Principal had been so rude to him. She ran up to him and told him that 'she and I do not enjoy a personal relationship whatsoever, so don't even go there.' He just glared at her and shrugged his shoulders. She really is a total bitch, even to her friends. On a good note, Spring Break starts at the end of the school day tomorrow. Grades are also due. It is amazing how many students are totally unaware of how poorly they are doing. When I told one girl she would be earning a D, she started telling me that I was totally unfair. When I explained to her that I had curved the grades and that she had actually earned an F, she was doubtful. She begged me to reconsider. After averaging her grades in front of her, I told her with a 61 average, she should be kissing my ass and thanking me for the D. She still did not get it. No wonder she has crappy grades. So far, it looks like there will be about 57 kids failing out of 140 in the 8th grade. I'm sure that none of them will return next year. Somehow grades will be manipulated by Those Who Have The Power and students will get passed through.

Thursday, March 30, 2000
Ahhhhhh….. Spring Break. The time of year that teachers love best besides the last day of school and the first day of winter break. Early this morning I went in and finished averaging and bubbling in all of my grades. It is a great relief to finally get rid of that paperwork and know that the end of the year is just around the corner. I can't help but thinking about how much potential this school has. Shitty administration and an overwhelming sense of community apathy makes it a real difficult place to work at times. But the kids are the real reason I get up in the morning. Just to see the kind of shit that they come up with is a real source of entertainment. I feel as though throughout the year, I have really grown close to some of these kids and made an impact, maybe even a difference for a brief moment in their lives. I hope that many of these kids will not suffer the same consequences as their family members - dead, in jail, divorced, living on the street, alcoholics and drug abusers, but I'm sure that most will follow in their footsteps - and I hope that somehow I may have steered one or two in a positive direction. I am always encouraging the kids to try new things and not be afraid to succeed. But then again, I never listened in the 8th grade either. I heard recently that one of my kids from last year gave birth to a baby. The girl is 14 and probably could not have made it through high school anyway. I can only imagine for her baby a fate worse than the life she currently has. However, after carefully considering the path of my one group of 7th grade kids, I am quite sure there will be several following this same path. Not wanting to really give up on these kids and this community is a real difficult feeling to balance with the desire to do some 'real' teaching in a 'real' school. I think over the break I will try to farm out some resumes to high schools in the area and try to persuade them to hire me for the following year. In addition, I think it would be beneficial for me to try to make as much of an impact in the school system as I can. I would like to continue to write on the topic of education from a scholarly perspective, even though writing this journal has been both a challenge, a stress buster, and has been and will be a source of belly laughs for a long time to come. I'm probably going to start taking some classes to become an administrator and try to mentor and teach those who still feel like they can make a difference. Someone recently said to me that if you don't like what the administration is doing, then maybe you should become one and change the system as much as you can. I think maybe that is some sound advice. Part of the problem is that newer teachers are not coddled and supported the way they should be. When you have a newborn, you give it the nourishment it needs to survive and succeed. The reason so many people are leaving the profession, in my view is for 4 reasons: Shitty administrators, low pay, limited new-teacher development, and a system that is so decayed and corrupt that unless a change in the infrastructure is made, the future looks bleak. So now you know how hard it is to thrown on your cape each day and feel good about what you are doing and still try to save the world despite the odds. Maybe the best that I can do for now, is to close my door and try to turn on 43 kids a class to some cool shit that might make a difference in their lives. Even if I only have 41 chairs. Even if the fuckers downstairs are total shitbag pricks. Even if the parents are crackheads. Even if most of the kids could care less who won the fucking Civil War. Even if some of my kids read on a 3rd Grade level in the 8th Grade. Even if they have been told their whole lives that they are losers and worthless. Even if I have a shitty day and am in a shitty mood because they fucked up my sausage biscuit at the drive thru.