Tuesday, April 25, 2000
Wow. You don't write for a day and you almost feel as though you have forgotten everything. Sitting down to write is not even laborious; it is intoxicatingly fun to vent all of my feelings about my job.

I showed my kids the movie, Schindler's List the past few days. The advanced class really got into the movie and a few students left the class in near tears. It really was an effective presentation of the Holocaust. One child stated, 'and I thought the blacks had it bad…'

When I showed the video to the rest of the classes, their reactions were more typical of Shitsville students. At the end of the picture, one child asked what the movie was even about. Another stated boldly that, 'if that junk happened to me, I would have whupped they asses.' Most kids laughed at inappropriate times during the film, but at least it reached a few of the kids.

This year has gone by rather quickly. I have not heard from the new high school yet, but another high school called today and asked me to call about a job in the morning. I can only hold my breath and hope that I can escape this cesspool.
I had my tenth or eleventh phone conversation with a parent today. She NEVER makes it down to the school for a conference, but seems to call each week or two to ask what the problem is with her child. Today, I just told her the truth; 'Your child has been suspended for 24 days this school year for fighting and generally displays rude conduct towards adults. Don't you think that you know what the problem is by now?' I think that this got her going in the right direction because she vowed for the third or fourth time this year that she would be in for a conference 'real soon.' Like before Halloween maybe?

One of the kids reported that Egbertha was not skipping class today, but that she was in the office because her father had died. I walked down to the office and found her laughing with another friend. I told her that if she needed anything to ask me, and she replied that she had just spoken to the Bitchy AP. I looked up and saw the Old Goat herself and something inside of me clicked. I saw a ray of goodness within and thanked her for talking to the child. She uttered a gurgling sound and turned her head. Damn! I crossed the line in a moment of weakness. She is a total ratfucking bastard and it made me feel so stupid to even try to have a pleasant conversation with her. I should have just walked away but something inside of me felt actually touched that the windbag would try to help a child. I should have known better than to say anything to the bitch. Tomorrow, I vow not to even look in her general direction.

Yesterday, they decided to test the fire drills, but did not inform the staff. So for about an hour or more, the fire drills just rang intermittently. And these bells are loud as hell. Last year this happened almost every day for a month and no one really complained, so I guess it is time this year to disregard the obnoxious noises again.

The toilet in the faculty lounge is broken again. Does anyone need to take a shit? Well, go right in and do it, because it sure smells like about six other people got there before you. There is a sign on the fucking door that says, 'broken.' Yet, people still enter and piss all over the floor and shit on the seat. These are supposed to be the adults! Shitsville is living up to it's reputation and name. This place stinks.

Trawanda and Trayvon are twins. I have both of them in my classes. They both share the same problem: gender confusion. The girl wants to really be a boy and the boy really wants to be the girl. Or so it seems, based on what a counselor told me recently. Anyway, neither one of them come to class on a regular basis and frequently walk the hallways yelling things out to other students. Yesterday, Trayvon comes to me and asks me some questions about drag queens. He wanted to know why his mother made him watch a movie about them. He wanted to know why men dressed up as women. Finally, he tells me that if God makes you a man then should act like a man. But he doesn't sound real convincing. It was almost like he was trying to convince himself.

Wednesday, May 01, 2000
The first of May brings mixed emotions. First, I have the feeling that we still have the month of May and half of June to go through before the end of the school year. The flip side of things is that there are only 32 more school days left.

The day began with a child telling me that they have to go to a 'foonerah on Friday.' I asked the kid what they meant by that and they said, 'you know, a place where dead people are - a foonerah' and I realized that she was saying funeral. Homeroom was just warming up. But honestly, the day never got to be very hot. In fact, in the last week it has been pretty low key at the Shits.

I was told today that a Holocaust survivor was coming to speak, but that the Science teachers would be taking their children. Now that makes sense…exclude the social studies teachers. Then, one of my children suggested that the Elian Gonzales saga was actually a conspiracy concocted by Janet Reno, a teacher at our school, Fidel Castro, the Backstreet Boys, Brittney Spears, and MTV.

All in all, I think it is going to be a good week.

Tuesday, May 02, 2000
Tuesday came and went and there are only 31 more days to go. I can feel myself draining a lot of energy each day and I feel rather lethargic about my job lately. Hence, I have not been in the mood to write a whole lot because I'm starting to feel that venting is only increasing the anger inside.

Since I haven't been writing, I feel the frustration of the entire year welling up inside of me. There are some terrific teaching moments and I think that many of them may have been missed in the translation to writing because all I really care to do when I sit at the computer is bitch about how lousy things are. Don't get me wrong, Shitsville IS a lousy as fuck place to be for the variety of reasons that I have previously explained. But I still love teaching children. Cognizant of that train of thought, it makes me desire even more to get out of the Shits and into a better school environment. I had an interview today at another high school and it may or may not turn out to be a job in the future. However, the one thing I can say is that I am continually encouraged by looking towards my future as an educator.

I was going to enroll in an educational leadership program to become an administrator. As one friend told me; 'If you don't like the way they run things, then change it from within.' However, right now I feel as though I need to get my employment situation settled a bit. Once I have a firm offer to transfer to another school, I think that I can find a new niche there and refocus myself on the prospect of becoming an administrator.