Friday December 8, 2000
Wow, a hellacious week has come to an end. I started off the week with a flu-virus and it got progressively worse. It seemed like with the virus, the week was like two times as long as normal. On Wednesday, I left 2 hours early and on Thursday afternoon I cancelled after school tutoring to go home to rest with my other sick family members.

Today, a young boy named Edgar seemed very upset. He told me that he thought that his parents just 'didn't give a shit about him anymore.' It was pretty heartwrenching to deal with the whole drama that he was living with, but I managed to talk to him for about 10 minutes and calm him down a bit. Here is a kid who feels that he has to shoulder the weight of the entire world because his parental neglect is affecting his other siblings. As the oldest, somehow, he feels responsible for taking care of everyone's problem, but he has forgotten about himself in the process. I told him that he can only handle so much as a 13 year old and to first address his own problems before solving the world's. Sometimes I think parents lay too much of a trip on their kids and forget about the fact that these are just children.

As promised, I said I would jot down what some of the notes passed by students say. Here is a brief sampling of the best (actual spelling included whenever practicable):

Wuz up. Even though you got a girl and every thang I think you need to dump that tramp and come get with this.

You are a straight as a friend to me but I would like it better if we were going out. Since I go with Bonnie, this can't happen but at first I was going to go with you…I hope we still dogs for life.

Sup niggarette? Aint 2 much hea' im just chillen like always cause you know how I be tha #1 killa do thangz! And das rite!

Well no I'm not intrested in any of them played out raggedy niggas round my neighborhood or at this damn school…Well you can go to the park or at the mall and go and get some digits…Shitttt and get gang raped!…What about the mall, they have some fine ass niggaz…Them fucking motherfucking can opener mouth…girl please…do you go to church?

Girl let me tell you something but you cant tell nobody. Yesterday he kissed me….Ooh La La! Where did he kiss you on the lips? Cheek? Hand? Be a lil' more specific… In the hallway on the lips.

I had so much fun this week end. My baby Jay was at the game and he was scared to talk to me because when I was walking up, my brother was next to me. So many niggaz tried to talk to me and I was turning them down.

This one must be some kind of song:
Nigga get up ass up offa me and besides your dick I've got to be fucked right sucked right in a buck right like a slut…Talk to me why you fuck me violently calling me names that apply to me cuming all inside of me.

I'm going to fight that bitch right now…You are better off taking her off school grounds to whoop her ass - signed Porkchop

Are you a slut ( ) Yes ( ) No

I think you have something I want. What I want I hope you will give it to me. If you give it to me I will lick it, suck it, push and pull on it, play with it in my mouth and make it go round and round. I will suck on it till I cant suck no more. Now do you have a lollipop for me?…No but I will suck your titties.

And that's just the good ones…

Monday December 11, 2000
Mondays Suck. Especially the Monday just before a long week before a major holiday break. The day began with me witnessing a child stick her head in the classroom next door and yell, 'Mr. Turner is a fucking bitch!' Even though Mr. Turner is as described, I felt compelled to refer the student to an administrator.

I was able to photocopy a pamphlet that a student must have purchased at an underground bookstore. The pamphlet was entitled, 'The Five Negro Presidents of the USA According to What White People Said They Were.' As if the title were not self-descriptive enough, I thought I would sample or paraphrase one of the passages (without author's permission of course):
Lincoln had a Vice President named Hannibal Hamlin. Hamlin was often attacked on the Senate because of the color of his skin. To one attack, Hamlin once said, 'I take my color from nature. You get yours from the brandy bottle…' On another page, a picture of Alexander Hamilton appears with the word 'caucasianized' as the caption. I thought the whole pamphlet was fascinating and wondered what prompted the student to buy it in the first place.

Thursday December 14, 2000
Today was a magnificent teaching day. The history club buried their time capsule today and it went off very well. I had over 20 kids participate which is pretty good for a school club project and others were disappointed they did not put something in the time capsule and asked about joining the club. We placed in some newspapers, magazines, comic books, toys, cds and a cd player and the obligatory pokemon memorabilia. It was a real exciting experience for the kids and a fun time any way you view it.

As we go chugging into the winter break, I feel so fucking good about my job. I am working harder than ever and really enjoying it. I love the people and the environment at Sunnyland. We had a holiday party on Tuesday afternoon and it was cool to see all of the teachers kicking back, smoking cigs, and drinking a shitload of wine, beer and liquor. I know that personalities will change and people will transfer in and out of this school, but I am having the time of my life here. I keep on thinking about what a psychotherapist once told me: that I would have to find the things I enjoyed and try to incorporate them in my life. Although the moment eventually ends, I am enjoying the ride. It makes me want to look back at last year's journal and see where my headspace was at this time.