Monday February 12, 2001
It is a fundamental aspect of teaching that the teacher must be a role model and a leader, guiding students through their educational journey. Sometimes I wonder why I am so fucking far from this paradigm. In my quest for answers, I asked everyone I knew today for some kind of validation of my experience last week. I even asked some of the kids. They told me that I had to be an asshole because first, I was getting too soft and that second, the kids just won't respect me if I don't get on their ass now and then.

When only one of the kids showed up for the detention, he showed up 20 minutes late. I blew my top again and told him that he now owed me two detentions. My colleagues were quick to add that he would not be participating in any of the upcoming events that the 8th graders have scheduled, including some really phat field trips to the youth fair. So here I am in this position where I really want to back them up. However, I have such guilt over the whole damn thing that somehow its my fault…that somehow I should stumble all over myself and offer this kid another chance to make things right that he totally fucked up. I have such a strong conscience, that I would probably make a shitty lawyer. Anyway, as it turns out, It was written all over my face. My colleagues actually had to remind me that it was for the best that I came down hard on these kids who acted up, but something inside of me feels lost. I feel that I have just lost that sense of peacefulness that I've had all year. I got back to the room and still could not chill out. I kicked kids out of the room for eating in class, and for cursing. These are the kind of things that usually I could give a royal flying fuck about, but today, I just could not let go of the…the…anger. Why am I so angry? And why should these kids get the brunt of it. On the other hand, aren't I supposed to kick some ass now and then…?

Tuesday February 13, 2001
The class from hell came in today and I totally got all over their shit. Those kids who were even a half of a second late all got detentions. Other kids who chewed gum or talked without raising their hands got detentions. Kids without books were told to stand in the corner. The kids got real pissed off about being so rule oriented but it sure as shit worked. A kid confessed to throwing the papers in the garbage can. Finally the kids breathed a sigh of relief. I really didn't want the class to become a boot camp, but I felt that I had no choice.

Thursday February 15, 2001
I finally got over my case of PMS. It had become so bad that a kid said to me, 'I don't mean any disrespect, but it seems like you are having a period or something.' He was right.

I think my efforts to clean up the class went well. It seemed as if kids were more interested in a bag of Hot Fries than in bringing their books to class. Now I really dig Hot Fries, but even I have my limits.

Two parent-teacher conferences I attended this morning really accentuated the differences that parents have in their perspectives. The first parent was disappointed that their child was earning a B average. The other made excuses for why her child had turned in no work in 3 weeks. I have a real hard time sitting in some of these conferences when parents just don't give a shit. Why should I care when the parent and child obviously do not?

Today was my turn to get observed by the AP. She caught me on a real good day because my class was outstanding. The kids were actively participating and asking excellent questions. She left and had a big smile on her face. Later she saw me and told me to visit her in her office in the morning to discuss the review. When I asked if I had an acceptable evaluation, she laughed and said, 'I can't begin to tell you how comfortable and easy you made things look.'

Right after the AP left, my next class started and I had an all out confrontation with a student who was totally disrespecting me. I called his parent and she seemed supportive. Right after the call, I tried to speak with the student and he yelled at me telling me that I was, 'disrespecting him.' I took him back in the office and called his mother right back up and told her that until she comes out for a parent-teacher conference, he would be excluded from class. On the way back down the hallway, he started cursing saying, 'This motherfucking nigger is crazy' and walking away from me. When I asked him to return, he said, 'Why should I come down there?…You meet me halfway.' I immediately took him downstairs where I encountered the In-School-Suspension Monitor who told me point blank, 'You don't have to tolerate that kind of behavior…write a referral and we will send him home for 10 days.' The funny thing is that I really didn't want to write the referral. This is kind of a minor thing compared to what I encountered at Shitsville, but the standard is much higher at Sunnyland. They don't want us to tolerate any shit. The thing that bothers me is that this student is really a volatile person. Each time I write a referral, I wonder if I could have handled it differently.

Friday February 16, 2001
What a crazy fucking Friday. First, the day begins with a lecture on the upcoming competency testing by the principal. He is a nice man and basically tells us to pump up the kids and get them ready. After the meeting, a commotion happens at the other end of school. I later find out that an acid bomb was being kicked around the school. By the time the last period of the day comes, I heard that there were 6 other acid bombs around the school, several of which were on the roof of the school. They empty out the building for a 'fire drill' and I see security all over the place. They sweep the building while we sit outside for an hour and then the bell rings to end the day.

I am now going to be working on Saturday mornings for a while in a reading enrichment program. I wonder how that is going to be…

Friday February 23, 2001
I have not written in a week and felt I needed to take a bit of a breather. Much has transpired in the last week, but ill just hit the highlights. First, the AP of Curriculum, the lady who hired me is going on maternity leave in the next few weeks. I really like her as both a human being and as a cool as shit boss and I will definitely miss her. Finally, one of the APs who is kind of like overzealous had me witness a tirade against a security guard who was not doing his job. It was kind of embarrassing and reminded me of all of the other power bullshit that I used to deal with at Shitsvile.